Ku rubuga rwa Internet www.wellandgood.com , umwanditsi w’ibitabo w’Umunyamerika witwa Hannah Orenstein utuye mu Mujyi wa New York City, agira inama abantu bifuza gukundana, akavuga ko atari byiza niba bahuye ubwa mbere gutangira kuganira ku bijyanye na Politiki, imyemerere(religion), ndetse n’amafaranga, ahubwo ngo bakaganira ku bindi bibafasha gutangira kumenyana.

Kuri urwo rubuga kandi bavuga ibibazo umusore atagombye kubaza inkumi bahuye ku nshuro ya mbere kandi yifuza ko urukundo rwabo rukomeza, kugira ngo uko guhura kwa mbere bitaba ari nabwo bwa nyuma bahuye.

Mu bibazo umusore atagombye kubaza inkumi yifuza ko bakundana birambye,harimo kutabaza umukobwa ibijyanye n’abo bakundanye mbere, nko kumubaza ngo umusore mwakundanaga mbere yari ameze ate.. ., uwitwa Jonathan Bennett, washinze sositeye yitwa ‘Double Trust Dating’ ifasha abifuza gukundana, ikorera mu Mujyi witwa Ohio, avuga ko iyo ubajije icyo kibazo uba utangiye nabi, kuko ubundi abakundana bahuye bwa mbere bagomba kuganira kuri bo ubwabo, ntibite ku bakundanye mu bihe byahise.

Ikindi kibazo umusore adakwiriye kubaza, ni ukubaza umukobwa bari kumwe niba yumva yishimiye uwo mwanya bari kumwe. Uwo muhanga mu by’urukundo witwa Bennett avuga ko ubaye utabona ko yishimiye kuba muri kumwe, wirinda kwishyiramo ko ari wowe wabiteye, kuko ntuba uzi niba ari ibindi bibazo bye yisanganiwe byo mu muryango wenda n’ibindi, uretse ko ngo bishoboka byaba binavuze ko mutazahuza, ariko ngo si ngombwa kubaza icyo kibazo.

Si byiza kandi kubaza umukobwa niba hari undi musore bari kumwe(mu rukundo) mugihura, kuko nk’uko Bennett abivuga byumvikanisha ko ushobora kuba ushaka kumugenzura, cyangwa se ukaba wazajya unamufuhira mu gihe kizaza, ibyiza ngo urabyihorera ukazamenya niba hari undi bari kumwe uko iminsi igenda.

Ku rubuga www.artdeseduire.com , na ho bavuga ko umusore uhuye n’umukobwa yifuza ko bakundana atagomba kumubaza niba hari undi musore afite bakundana, ngo akomerezeho amubaza aho bahuriye n’uko bameranye n’ibindi, ahubwo kuko ngo bizwi ko abakobwa beza batabura abahungu bakundana, niba aguhaye umwanya wo kuganira muraganira nyuma ukazabyimenyera niba afite undi musore cyangwa se akunze wowe.

Ikindi ngo si byiza kubaza umukobwa mugihura, umubare w’abasore amaze gukundana na bo,kuko ngo nta gisubizo cy’ukuri wabona kandi anamaze kugusubiza nubwo ngo byaba atari ukuri, na we yahita akurikizaho kukubaza abo mwakundanye, ugasanga bibaye ibyo ntimubone n’umwanya wo kuganira kuri mwe, n’urukundo mugamije rukabura umwanya wo kuruvugaho.

Ku rubuga www.bestlifeonline.com na bo bavuga ibibazo umusore atagombye kubaza umukobwa yifuza ko bakundana mu gihe bahuye bwa mbere bagiye gusangira kugira ngo baganire.

Mu bibazo umusore adakwiye kubaza umukobwa nk’uko bigaragara kuri urwo rubuga, harimo kumubaza impamvu adafite umuntu bakundana kandi bigaragara ko ari mwiza. Umwanditsi witwa Rabbi Sholmo Zalman Bregman yavuze ko kubaza icyo kibazo umukobwa mugihura ari bibi kuko biba bisa no kumushinja ko afite ibitagenda kuri we bituma adafite uwo bakundana, kandi ubundi ngo biba bishoboka ko ari uko atarabona uwo bahuza gusa.

Umusore ntiyagombye kubaza umukobwa bagihura niba akunda gusaragurika(crazy) ,wenda akaba yamubaza ati, nizere ko udakunda gusaragurika cyane kuko maze igihe nkundana n’abantu nyuma ngasanga bakunda gusaragurika.

Candice A, impuguke mu kwigisha abashaka gukundana, avuga ko umusore adakwiye kubaza umukobwa icyo kibazo, kuko na we yakwibaza impamvu akunda guhura n’abo basaragurika gusa, ibyiza ngo urareka ukazagenda ubona uko ateye buhoro buhoro.

Nta musore ukwiye kubaza umukobwa bagihura ngo, ubu se urabona urukundo rwacu rugana he? bituma umukobwa amufata nk’uwihebye cyangwa se ufite ubwira bwinshi, ibyiza ngo arategereza akareba aho rugana nyine.

Nta musore kandi wagombye kubaza ibiciro by’ikintu abonanye umukobwa bagitangira gukundana, urugero ari nk’isakoshi afite, bigaragara ko ihenze, si byiza kumubaza igiciro cyayo. Uwitwa Bonnie Winston, icyamamare akaba n’impuguke mu by’urukundo avuga ko bihagije ko wamubwira ko afite isakoshi nziza bitabaye ngombwa kujya mu by’ibiciro.

Nta musore ukwiye kubaza umukobwa bagihura kandi yifuza ko bakundana, ngo mbese urumva wakunze uko ngaragara, uko nambaye… Icyo ngo ni ikibazo gishobora kuzana ibisubizo bitagushimisha ibyiza ni ukukihorera nk’uko bivugwa n’umutoza mu byo gukundana witwa Rosalind Sedacca.

Umusore ntiyagombye kubaza umukobwa bagihura niba yifuza kuzabyara cyangwa umubare w’abana yifuza kuzabyara, ibyiza ngo ni ugutegereza bakabanza kumenyana mbere yo kubaza icyo kibazo.

Umusore ugihura n’umukobwa bwa mbere kandi ngo ntiyagombye kumubaza ibijyanye n’uko abanye n’ababyeyi be, kuko ngo icyo kibazo cyatuma atisanzura mu kiganiro gikurikiraho, cyane cyane abajijwe icyo kibazo abanye nabi n’ababyeyi be cyangwa se atanabafite nk’uko bivugwa n’uwitwa Perry.

Nta musore ukwiriye kubaza umukobwa bagihura uko yatandukanye n’abo babanje gukundana nubwo byaba bimuteye amatsiko,agomba gutegereza akazaba abimenya,ntagomba no kumubaza icyo yiteze mu rukundo rwabo…,ibyiza ngo ni ugutegereza.

Ikindi ngo nta musore ugihura n’umukobwa yifuza ko bazakundana wagombye kumubaza umubare w’abantu amaze kuryamana na bo,ibyo ngo ntibiba bikureba nk’umuntu ugitangira gukundana nk’uko bivugwa na Bregman.

Si byiza kandi ko umusore abaza umukobwa bagihura ko akunda kurya cyane no kunywa nk’uko yabigenje aho bahuriye baganira, ibyo ngo bishobora gutuma urukundo rudakomeza, kuko n’iyo yaba akunda ibyo kurya no kunywa cyangwa atabikunda, ashobora kubona ko uzajya umugerera ibyo afungura akakureka.

Ikindi umusore ugihura n’umukobwa yifuza ko bakundana atagombye kumubaza, ni ibijyanye n’imyaka ye, kuko abakobwa benshi ngo icyo kibazo kirababangamira kandi ntibakunda no kugisubiza. Ibyiza ngo wamubaza amazina ye cyangwa n’ibyo akora, ibyo ngo biba bihagije ku bantu bagihura ibindi ukazaba ubimenya.

MENYA UMWANDITSI

Mediatrice Uwingabire

Umunyamakuru

@ umureremedia

Reba inkuru zose nanditse ( 1913 )